I have to say something on the blog. I am going completely berserk wondering how everything happened so fast and so outrageously beautifully!! I am watching the sunrise because I could not sleep all night. And I am thinking……life is really sweeter than we can imagine it!
I have been writing a lot but privately on my diary. I write everyday. Sometimes all night. Most times its just an out-pour of emotions I can hardly understand myself. A crazy mix of stories that run in mazes where I get lost. A hundred stories in my life going on at the same time. Going back to the deepest of my childhood memories and some even deeper into the history of my people. Getting mixed up in a world that is running so fast I get confused by it all. A million and one stories in my genes going back millions of years.
This is when I ask myself….who am I? And why am I here?
Its such a confusing quest. It never ends. So I write to keep sane. The future, the past and the present happen all at the same time in my universe of being. Its chaos in my head. There are always volcanic eruptions and earth quakes and black holes and supernovas (if you don’t do Astronomy then you won’t get me)
But I jealously guard my writing. Now I am learning how to share it. vulnerability at its worst 🙂
The problem with blogging is, its public while keeping a diary is safer. Only I can read it. When people finally get to read what I write, I will be long dead. And will not face the fear they will know what I really think about them.
God who am I kidding!! It what people will think about me that I deeply care about? That is why I like to hide sometimes. And then….hmmmmmm. This is a long winding conversation I am getting into here.Nope this is not the story I want to tell you today. Let me tell this on a day when you have time to walk more slowly in the inner gardens of yourself 🙂
But they are connected…if you follow me long enough you might see how.
Today, I want to give thanks and praises to the most high!! #np Bob Marley in my head.
I am finally going to be on TV but in a way, I feel will present me and the stories I want to tell. And it came to me in a very unexpected way.
I got here because, about 2&1/2 years ago, I refused to graduate from Law School to try pursue a career in the arts. I had been practicing for a while as a theater actor and dancer. As an actor I got on TV and found I did not like the stories we told on TV.Here is how.
Well, I wasn’t thinking too much about being famous, but people would recognize me and I would not know what they saw on TV. I had never particularly thought what it means to have yourself on TV or on a billboard advert. It was crazy!! I was seriously just having fun with imaginary people in the stories but to people they were real. They never saw me as I am without the spotlight on and confused me with the characters I choose to portray.
People respond to stories and the characters in the stories we tell as if they are real people. While they usually are just but an imaginary person to an actor. Someone that is other than you. And now I think of it, its kind of weird being an actor or a dancer or being someone who lets imaginary people posses you for a while 🙂 Lol!!
But I enjoy doing that. And I love it so much I want to tell stories for a living. Because stories do change people. Nice stories let you get in and experience an adventure. And that helps rejuvenate the spirit! And storytelling is what art is all about.
If the characters in a story make people believe something so strongly, then I want to be a character that helps people live better lives or be free to dance with life a beautiful way.
Anyway, I jumped ship into the deep end of the ocean and had to figure it out. And trust me I have been failing….a lot!! Its really like being Pi and having to learn how to be friends with the tiger and how to survive all alone in the wide wide ocean.
And it was a good thing I felt I needed an education that would help me acquire tools that would help me solve the riddle. I need to know how to find clues that help me on my journey. And if you cannot see them, then you might make too many mistakes. It turns out making mistakes is not the problem, refusing to learn from them is the main problem.
It is a good thing to know you don’t know. Because then you seek help. And that helper on my journey came in the form of Amani Insititute. Big up to Ila Rabbat and Roshan Paul for a job well done. These two crazies have changes my whole life!!
How my whole life changed is a dramatic tale that unfolds in the 5 months from June to October 2013. There is a pre drama of about two months before. And a drama of one year before and another connected drama that started in 2011. This blog records some of that history.
Anyway….back to my story…….I broke up with my long time boyfriend, met beautiful weirdoz like me from all over the world, had an awesome time with them and learned a shit load of stuff 🙂
To Ila and Roshan, I never finished my apprenticeship. I still had 3 months left. Let’s hope I finish them now 🙂
And this is where I announce that I will be taking part in UpstartTv as a creative entrepreneur. Me and two others from a group of 24 Kenyans from all over Kenya- well Mombasa, Kisumu and Nairobi- will compete for 50,000 USD. That is good cash if you manage it well and have an idea people believe in.
We are all believers of ideas and there must be plenty of them from 24 aspirational Kenyans. Its gonna be awesome. With lots of storms and rocks in the boat. And I will be doing this in front of my family, friends and strangers. OMG!! I am so scared!!
But well……dreams must be lived otherwise they haunt you till the day you die. And mine have been coming true so far. I got an education I yearned for. And now I have an opportunity to bring those ideas to life using the new tools I acquired at Amani Institute. How fascinating!! How beautiful!!
Let’s say, I am happy so far. It gets lonely and sad sometimes but its totally a journey worthy of my being 🙂
Will try blog more now. If you have any question(s), I will be happy to answer them. I don’t mind opening about about my personal life but please be respectful. And this is especially to men. Approach as if you would other queens in you life- you mother, your sister, your grandmother, your daughter and other women who command your respect.