I woke up with only two thoughts today. The first is about sexual power and the second is about how as Kenyans and Africans in general we have been apologizing for who we are.
Let me start with the second. I believe that the worst thing about colonization was not the land that got stolen from us, it is the spirit within in us that got crushed. And now we have to apologize for being who we are.
We are apologetic about our manners, how we eat, our accents, our hair, our time keeping, our languages, our religion, our black skins…we are apologetic about everything! It is easy to see it in us. We laugh at our accents and think that a French accent is sexy. Our women wear weaves and spend a lot of money in salons trying to make their hair fall on their shoulders. Our women wear high heels and suffer as they walk just to look sexy yet we admonish FGM. Yet both forms demean a woman and make her suffer.
Our men practice violence in their helpless anger, and you wonder why Africa has so many wars? Our men forgot proverbs and wise sayings and took up guns. They still feel helpless and rape their women. They abduct their children whom they give drugs and use them as human shields in war. Why would a man fight if not for his women and children who are part of his honour?
And now I come to the first thought, sexual power. When we started apologizing for who we are, we also lost a very potent power within us, we lost our sexual power. How would you ask?
If you look at all the examples I have given above, there is something sexual about our apologies. Women wearing weaves and putting chemicals on their hair to achieve beauty. Men using guns and raping women to assert their authority. Our children, the fruits of our sexuality, are no longer our wealth, they have become our burdens and tools in a game with no meaning.
And you wonder why AIDS is killing so many people in Africa?
When we apologize for who we are, we repress what is most potent about us. Our sexual power. We will keep mutilating ourselves until the day we accept who we are and make no apologies for it.